My chest to so stupid – I've been coughing all day
Will air-plane food be reminicent of hospital food? If so.. yuk
My stomach jumps whenever I even think about walking into the airport – weird.
What should I do with my phone?? – anyone want to babysit a phone that says 'Boy's are stupid.. throw rocks at them'?
No one at work really understands why I'm going… even when I tell them.
It's dark outside.
I should go…
No looking back now.
List of things to do still include;
- find my camera and load it with film
- buy water squirters for my chapel bible story
- buy sunscreen (and lots of it – malaria tablets make you photosensitive!!)
- think about my testimony in simple translatable language
- buy enough medicine to last me
- re-learn my Bangla
- recover from annoyingly-timed cold
- PACK
it's getting to be a smaller and less stressful list as the days roll on. I've recovered from last week's nervous breakdown and I think I'm ready to go now.
The weekend seemed to fly past in some sort of a blur, with lists of things to do and time hanging just out of my reach. I spent yesterday under my doona watching DVDs and blowing my nose. It was nice to have a day to regroup.
Meanwhile I need to reassure people at work that the building we not blow up because I won't be here, reasssure Mum that I WILL call her as soon as I get back, reassure sisters that they will get presents, and reassure boyfriend that I will try to stay safe.
Back to work then…..
I'm happy today.
why? – ah, so many things to make me this way…
like..
- wandering around the QVB shopping last night and looking at weird and interesting things.
- Going up to the top floors and walking on carpet and asking the 'concierge' where the ATM was.
- finding something special… that always feels nice.
- sitting on a bench and watching people…
- putting off going to the top floor toilets… once again 
- looking up into the rain while walking around the city…
- eating dumplings…
- talking freely…
And although I'm still feeling mixed emotions about our exodus next week… I'm hoping that anticipation and excitement will outweigh them.
Work is weird. People give me funny looks when I say I'm going away, as if to say 'How could you do this to us?'… And take it as an opportunity to make the most of me and dump piles on work on my head. My boss is in Singapore until Wednesday… maybe I'll get some work done now.
My air conditioning is on 24.5 degrees and I'm freezing… what does it mean when 'RUN' flashes?
Celebrity of the week is… Richard Roxbury. Don't worry… I didn't know who he was either. But I recognised his face from Secret Life.. or something. Anyway they were filming a scene outside my window this morning which was very entertaining. The production manager came in and apologised for the bad language in case I could hear it…. and Richard walked around looking very important while his minions raced about with dressing gowns and umbrellas.. No car chases this time which was disappointing…
I'm so COLD! Oh to be snuggled under a doona watching 'Pirates of the Caribean' or some such rubbish….
Hehehe… next week I'll be complaining how hot I am….. monsoonal weather here I come!
I kind of realise that I haven't really been updating specifically on what I've been up to lately… but really… I hate to inflict the public with gooey mush mush.
Meh… I'm doing well. Keeping busy and all that.
I'm regularly freaking out everytime I count the days till B'desh (10!) and wondering whether I will actually live through the experience. Of course, the logical side of my brain knows I will, it's just that emotional comfort-zone side that makes me dig my fingernails in. Plus the fact that I'm questioning the reasons why I'm going every 5 seconds. ick….
Everything seems to be centered around 'the trip'. 'We can't do that until I get back'… 'Sorry – I'm going to be away then'… 'Yeah… it's a whole other country'….
I just have an overwhelming feeling of… 'unpreparedness'.. yet I have no idea where to start to become prepared.
And the closer the date looms… the more I don't want to go. Why? I PAID for this! I chose to go there! Why should I freak out now??
Oh dear… This is why I don't write these type of journal entries… they just dig up stuff I'm trying to conceal….
DISCLAIMER 1: The title is a JOKE. You need to kinda know me to get it.. but otherwise know that I do not think that boys are stupid (mostly).
DISCLAIMER 2: I do not in any way profess to be any sort of psychoanalyist or statastician…. So please, those out there with mega-degrees, please do not condemn me. I am but a humble youth group leader trying to educate the next generation of women about a world with boys in it.
AND NOW… The results! (I feel somewhat powerful with this information at my disposal…. hehehe.)
What I am actually leading a discussion on, is two questions. What do guys look for in girls? And – How do boys think? These results have been incredibly helpful in getting a proper, rounded view on these subjects.
Ok, let's look firstly at what girls do, that guys find unhelpful.
The overwhelming (and perhaps obvious) top answer was 'Revealing Clothing'. 80% of guys find this unhelpful. Specifics given include: Low cut tops/ cleavage, mini skirts, low cut jeans (ugh, and that awful gap!), bra straps showing and tight tops. The general consensus was 'Cover up!'.
A few of the guys did say that it was partly their responsibility to be self-controlled when looking at girls, and that's great! However, us, as girls, also need to be responsible in what we wear and help our guys to stay godly. Ok, so it's nice to look nice… but isn't that achievable without revealing all our secrets?? See I Tim 2 9-10.
The next most common answers were: Flirting (35%), Not meaning what you say or do/fickleness (35%) and speech/gossip (15%).
Wow…. we do muck around guys alot don't we! Well I guess the point is… BE HONEST in your actions! Say what you mean, do what you mean! Don't string guys along. They are not playthings to have fun with. Not only will this help us to improve guys godliness… it'll go a long to improving girl's godliness as well.
Next, it was interesting the differences, and similarities, I found between what guys find attractive… and what they are actually looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife!
The top rating things guys found attractive were: Godliness (40%), sense of humour (35%), smile (25%)… and the one I found most intriguing – HAIR -mostly specified as long (45%!)
Other interesting results included: less make-up, personality (heheh), eyes, ministry-minded and kindness. One that came up, I found slightly…. insulting I guess.. was 'trim' or 'healthy' or 'not overweight'. But once I thought about it, I guess these things are a result of looking after your body. The problem is, girls are mega-sensitive in this area.
So.. what are guys actually looking for in a girl? What a wonderful list! High raters were: Godliness, gentleness, other person-centredness, honesty, trustworthiness and caring. Very similar to what God looks for in us! See 1 Peter 3:3-6 and Galatians 5: 22-26. Isn't it great that living the way God wants us to live is actually what guys want?? Of course this shouldn't be the sole reason that we strive to live this way….! But it's definately a reason NOT to try and attract guys in other (perhaps unhelpful) ways.
The question regarding whether an answer would be different if the person was not a Christian was mostly for my own information so I could interpret the results correctly – as in 'this survey has been performed with a group of guys who generally have a different attitude towards girls as a result of their being a Christian'. But… as someone pointed out to me.. it's actually a helpful question for guys to be thinking about in terms of figuring out what attitudes need to change when being a Christian.
And finally. How DO boys think??
Well the results speak for themselvesâ¦
26% of guys are a Switchboard: can turn thoughts on and off at will. But can only think of a few things at a time.
31% of guys are a Chessboard: They think about one subject, stop, and then think about something else.
0% of guys are Spaghetti: They can think about many things at once.
16% of guys are a Ruler: They think in straight lines.
21% of guys are a Pro Hart painting: Their brain is one big mess.
I think the definite result here is: we canât lump all guys into one way of thinking. They DONâT all think like a chessboard (despite popular culture telling us otherwise). But, we can say that they simply cannot think about many things at the same time (as girls are often described as doing). Well⦠if they do try a Spaghetti â they usually end up as a Pro Hart .
Well â in conclusion. I should do these things more often! Most of it was stuff I kinda knew⦠but it puts it in a totally different perspective when guys are telling you these things loud and clear â not your minister, or your married friends, or your mum⦠but godly Christian guys!!
Oh⦠and thanks, guys, for helping out⦠great job!!!
This week at Recharge we are looking at 'Girls Stuff' and 'Boys Stuff' respectively. I am going to be leading a short discussion with the girls about certain issues.
This is where you come in: I have written a short survey that will hopefully assist me in preparation for this discussion.
It would be so helpful if you could take a minute to fill it in. Be honest (It's anonymous, don't worry!) and keep it sensible.
It's easy! Go to: http://haoran.axe.net.au/sarah/
Thanks so much for your help!!
Another deep and meaningfulâ¦.
A rather heated discussion occurred last night – which I was not a part of. Instead, I listened. I'm still thinking about it and I guess this is just me, trying to organise my brain into words…
The discussion was centered around this question… Should we be dependant on anyone other than God?
It's an interesting question – but it doesn't have an obvious or easy answer.
The quick (and perhaps, simplistic) answer is – No. We should be depending on God only, not on things or people of this world.
We could think of many examples of people in the Bible who had to depend solely on God. Job, David, many prophets, Paul. Was this a result of their âcallingâ â their role in history and in Godâs plan? Can we say that we are called in the same way I wonder? Is loneliness, in this sense, a result of a life lived completely for God, or is it a result of being chosen by God?
The Bible does tell us that God is dependable..(Ps 62:7) and it is a comfort to know that. But will sole dependence on God satisfy us? Probably not. Our human nature demands something we can see and touch for comfort. No matter how much we aspire to depend on God only, we donât .. is this sinful?
Jeremiah 17
5 This is what the LORD says:
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
Let's go back to Adam and Eve, God created Eve because Adam needed a helper. He had this great direct relationship with God… and yet God felt that he needed someone of his own kind! We are created to interact with each other… we are relational creatures. So isn't it natural to crave human companionship?
Yes, it is true that humans are not dependable. We make mistakes, we sin. We will hurt people who depend on us. Is this a reason not to depend on each other? God obviously intended us to strive to be dependable. Why would He command us to love one another, or to build each other up⦠if not to train us to be dependable? Of course there is the extreme of placing all your dependence on earthly things and none on Godâ¦. this is not so great, but very easy to do.
So dependence on God is vital⦠since he is the only dependable thing in this world. But Christians should also endeavour to be dependable â and as a result, feel free to depend on each other. If we cannot find dependable people around us, we still have God as our comfort⦠and although we may not find that completely satisfying now⦠I guess we can long for the time where we all will be in perfect relationship with each other.
Thatâs all I got⦠feel free to dispute anything said here⦠coz Iâm never completely confident that I have it right. Plus thereâs still a few unanswered questions there for anyone to have a go at!
How do you know when you're doing too much?
What is the perfect balance between ministry and personal time?
When I say no is it because I'm tired, or because I'm lazy?
How do I avoid feeling guilty because I've said no?
How do I avoid feeling guilty because I said yes and then something else suffered as a result?
How do I prioritise things when everything seems important?
How do I keep everyone happy?
Life is crazy. Normally I like being busy, feeling useful and important… But yesterday it felt bad. I mean, I liked helping out, I liked talking to people… I liked alot of things…
I just hated the way I felt afterwards when my mind and body could not stand it any longer. And when people expected more of me – I just couldn't do it.
It scared me a little, I guess. I wondered whether the same thing would happen in Bangladesh, or Bible college… am I really going to cope? Or will I be a continuous, useless mess?
Ick.. I just counted the number of 'I's' in this entry. The grand total is…. 22. Verdict… self-absorbed and whiny.. I'll shut up now.
Yesterday I walked past a random person who smiled at me.
I wondered whether she was thinking of something pleasant and happened to be looking at me, or thought I looked particularly sad and needed a smile, or perhaps she woke up that morning thinking to herself 'I am going to smile at someone randomly today'.
I was fairly ashamed of my withdrawn reaction however… kind of a 'stunned rabbit' followed by a quick look away.
I've decided…. next time (if there is one) I'll smile back.
I had to wear gloves this morning… I relented after attempting half-baked arguments like 'my fingers are not going to be any warmer with gloves – my jumper sleeves do just as well' or others , for which I got in trouble 
.
The thing was, now that my fingers were relatively warmer, my other extremities seemed to get even frostier!! Once I got to work, my ears and nose were painfully cold and bright red.
Note: I do not cope well in cold weather. Especially Western Sydney weather which always seems to be a few degrees colder than anywhere else!
Meanwhile – another ABC mini series is going to be filmed at my work premises. We only occupy about a third of the office space, the rest is left to rot/mould/house a large amount of dust while we search for a leasee. Apparently this is a perfect setting for a police station!!
The story is of a policeman who, having been unable to act during a crime, is seconded to the Police Museum to curate a photographic exhibition. He begins to recreate crimes from the past, through his memory and imagination, which ultimately has an impact on his own life.
Meh… how incredibly stimulating… not.
Anyway – Yay for tomorrow!!