28.11.08
Posted in Baby, Journal at 4:48 pm by Sarah
Can you believe it? Third trimester here I come!
The thing is… the first trimester is supposed to be hard: You’re not only freaking out about possible miscarriage, you’re throwing up your guts every morning. The second trimester is the easy time: You have a bump, but you’re not that uncomfortable, and the morning sickness has theoretically passed (of course, I had an extra month of it).
The third trimester? Well… it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. You blow up like a balloon, and you tend to have all sorts of nasty side effects. And of course that end part doesn’t sound like a huge amount of fun either. Plus, I’m wondering whether all of this will be magnified by the fact that I will be going through all of this in summer AND during a house move.
I’m sure with God, and an air conditioner, I will get through it. And it will definitely be worth all that discomfort… in the end. 
In the meantime… I think the baby has learned some karate moves. Sitting in a meeting today, it was hard to keep a straight face as the bub pummelled my insides. If you listened closely, you could hear the ‘Hi-Ya!’.
The obstetrician said the bub was quite big this week… not exactly what you want to hear, but I guess healthy is better than not. Once again my little worries about fainting spells and cramps were met with ‘well, duh… you’re pregnant!’. Not exactly that wording, but you get what I mean. My next appointment will be a fun one. I get tested for diabetes among other things, so I get to drink lots of sugar to see if I pop. Fun times…
24 weeks and a bit
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24.11.08
Posted in Baby, Journal at 4:15 pm by Sarah
Conceiving, carrying, and giving birth to a child is an absolute miracle, don’t you think?
From when I first knew I was pregnant I have been having daily epiphanies of God’s blessing and grace and wonderfulness. How could you not? This tiny little being is growing inside you… and although I understand the biology of it, it’s miraculous wonder just gets me every time.
Every time I feel my tummy get a little rounder. Every time I feel a little movement, a kick. Every time I look down and realise I can’t see my feet anymore. When I imagine what our little one will look like when they’re born.
At church last night I was told of three different miracle babies that three families in the congregation were expecting. Two via IVF and one was a miracle for a couple who were told they could never conceive naturally. The people I talked to were so aware and so thankful of God’s goodness in providing these children. I couldn’t help thinking how loved these kids would be by the entire congregation, who had been prayerfully supporting these couples.
And so I was reminded once again to be thankful. Thankful to God for the blessing of an easy conception. The blessing of an easy and uncomplicated pregnancy so far. And, God-willing, the blessing of a little child to bring up into God’s kingdom.
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19.11.08
Posted in Baby, Journal at 4:36 pm by Sarah
It’s been a crazy week… is it really only Wednesday?
So… best to read Haoran’s blog to find out the main reason for the crazy.
My perspective right now? Contentment. If you’d asked me that question yesterday you might have gotten a different answer, but this is now and that was then. Hopefully the worst of the stress is over.. I’m also hoping there will be no more stress-induced vomiting, heartburn etc. I worry that the stress is effecting the baby, and it probably is, judging by the increase in kicks over the last few days.
Now we wait. And I mentally improve and decorate our new house. I’m so excited to have a place to not only bring up our kids, but also have the space to be easily hospitable. I really hope we can use this place to glorify God.
On a completely different note… since this post is supposed to be mental… can I just take the opportunity to curse all maternity bras? They are shapeless and uncomfortable and stupid. And curses also go to the maternity bra-fitting shop that is only open from 9 till 3 on weekdays (what the???). I’m sorry, guy-readers… but it had to be said.
Anyway, no major bub news really. I can see my belly moving up and down with the kicks now… but only I can tell, generally. Even though I look like I have a bump and mainly wear maternity clothes, people are still afraid to ask whether I’m pregnant or not. Kind of annoying, but I’m getting used to it.
23 weeks
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17.11.08
Posted in Baby, Journal at 11:41 am by Sarah
I’ve been thinking lately about assumptions. Particularly how assumptions can make you feel slightly uncomfortable about the decisions you’ve made. I guess this has come up often for us lately . We’ve made half a dozen fairly huge decisions within the last 6 months… all of which pretty much everyone has an opinion on. Therefore I find myself ‘defending’ our decisions regularly.
For example. When we say we’re going to go to ‘bible college’, most people immediately assume Moore. They don’t even ask actually – they just say ’so when are you moving to Newtown?’. I don’t mind this so much. Going to SMBC shows people there are other possibilities when it comes to bible college. And we’re really happy with our decision. Going to an interdenominational, mission focused bible college is going to constantly challenge us in our ideas and plans for the future.
It happens all the time with other things too. Like when people assume that Haoran can speak fluent Mandarin, that I can’t use chopsticks and that your intelligence level is based on whether you did a uni degree or not. Of course these aren’t based on any particular decision… but they are funny to deal with.
Parenting is a different story. In my reading and exploring on the net, I find so many mothers feel constantly judged for their decisions. In reality I don’t see how you can avoid it. When your kid throws an almighty tantrum in the supermarket, every single person in that shop is judging the situation.
But I guess it also means that as a parent, you have to have a thick skin. Your decisions are your decisions. You will need to stand by those decisions and feel comfortable with them. Other people will assume certain things, and you can’t let that make you feel like maybe you made the wrong choice.
This has already come up for me – and in one of the more controversial areas of parenting.
Haoran and I decided long ago that if we had children, if possible, I would stay home and look after them. I guess we didn’t see this as a hard decision. We want to be there to bring up our children, and since this is a possibility, we feel that this is a good and godly decision to make.
This is quite a novel idea in my workplace, so I was expecting the comments that would ensue. But they do wear you down. ‘So, when are you coming back to work?’ is fairly common. When I say that I’m not, I can see they are confused, but they don’t say much. So you end up trying to read their expression. Do they think I’m lazy? Do they think I’m going to change my mind once I get bored? Do they think I’m wasting my life? Do they think I’m sacrificing the lifestyle we might have had if we had more money? It really reveals my insecurities.
What I didn’t expect was that some Christian people would react in the same way. I guess I didn’t realise that working mums are so embedded into our culture.
On top of this, We’ve decided that instead of working up until 8 months or so, I will finish up at work just before Christmas, when I’m barely 7 months. This makes sense for us, for many different reasons. But I find myself feeling guilty, trying to justify. Even managing to dob myself in for contract work if my work needs me back in the interim.
But I have to have a thick skin. Because this is going to happen again and again. Whether I end up having a natural, medicated or c-section birth. Whether I choose to breast feed. Cloth or disposable nappies. What we feed our child…. plus millions of other tiny little things. And that’s just the beginning.
Of course you also need to balance this with an open mind. Maybe we will need to consider other options in the future. But it should still be our decision made as a family, under God, not based on someone else’s assumptions.
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12.11.08
Posted in Baby, Church/Ministry, Journal at 11:23 am by Sarah
- Went back in time at L’s. Played Mario Kart and Sets & Runs. And laughed until we cried. Several times.
- Loving loving loving yum cha. So much so that I had to go TWICE .. Saturday AND Sunday.
- Trying hard not to stress out about Perfect House we saw on the weekend and the mean real estate agents putting pressure on us.
- Bought some maternity bras, shoes (comfy ones) and shirt. Was less depressed than I could have been.. thanks to my extremely helpful sister.
- Said goodbye to QHAC. Caught up with peeps. Played with sparklers . Hugged alot. Didn’t cry.
- All paperworked up at SMBC. Involved a panicky realisation that standing in a crowd of people you don’t know is a very lonely experience.
- Woke up last night with what I think was Braxton Hicks. I think. How the heck would I know? Needless to say… ouchie!
- Learning to eat veeeerrryy slowly. Eating fast does not feel good when your stomach is squished up under your lungs.
- Feeling like life is bit too much right now… and crawling under a doona and staying there for the next few months is looking really attractive. I’m sure that’ll get better when I have the chance to sleep until I don’t feel tired anymore.
22 weeks
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05.11.08
Posted in Baby, Journal at 10:41 am by Sarah
2009 is starting to seem a little less fuzzy – hurrah!
Did I mention H got accepted at college? Well he did. I mean, we weren’t expecting otherwise – but it was nice to get the official letter. He starts a ‘Greek Intensive’ at the end of January. It sounds scary – but he’s actually looking forward to it. My application got ’suspended’ which sounds bad – but just means I can choose to go ahead with it when I’m ready.
We saw a house on the weekend that might be ‘the one’. This is the third ‘the one’… so I’m hoping this is it and we can stop spending our saturdays looking at billions of houses. House buying is draining. There is so much you have to consider and weigh up. Distance from college, room to grow, backyard, how much you need to fix up…. gah!
Finally, we are almost certain of the church we’d like to be part of next year. Which is way exciting! More details to come….
Of things baby: Still kicking. To the point of waking me up at 5am the other night.. and keeping me awake for an hour. I keep wondering what they could possibly be doing in there.. Gymnastics? H thought he might have felt something the other day… I guess it feels alot less violent from the outside.
We booked our parenting classes at RPA. Should be an experience! Should also be a good opportunity to meet some women/couples in the area.. We also get a tour of the hospital, which, considering neither of us has set foot in the place before… should be fairly useful.
I’m now wearing full maternity attire to work – none of my work blouses fit me anymore. But it looks a little weird because the shirts are still very tent-like on me. I figure it’s a bit silly to buy anything that’s in-between sizes because I might only wear it for a month or so. Casual clothes are alot easier since most of my shirts stretch enough for now.
I’m getting a little more anxious about the ‘end part’… I read that bit in my baby book over the weekend. On Sunday I was asked by one of the more outspoken people at church whether I was afraid. Um… yes!!! But at the same time, I just can’t wait to meet our little one. I love them so much already.
21 weeks
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03.11.08
Posted in Church/Ministry, Journal at 12:12 pm by Sarah
In one week we will be leaving Quakers Hill Anglican.
We knew it was happening eventually. At the end of the year the plan was to finish up and then start over in our new area.
But due to some internal, perhaps inevitable, shifting… we are leaving earlier than planned, and following our ‘rogue’, crazy, misfit congregation to Oakhurst Anglican to see out the year. I feel sad. Perhaps sadder than I might otherwise. I wanted to leave on my own terms.. say farewell in my own time. But instead, we are suddenly being uprooted.
This is the church that took my poor little country soul in at 19… nurtured it, taught it, and made it into a better person. I grew up spiritually. I made life-long friends. I loved, lost, rejoiced, cried and created many memories. It’s been 8 years, but it feels longer. So much has happened.
I feel sad because it’s been a stretched out farewell for me. I left the 7pm service to support my husband in his ministry at CCC in 2006. So it’s been two years since I had regular contact with that group of people at church. But it’s those fleeting connections. Catching up with people as they walk into their service and we walk out of ours. Just being in the same building made me feel like I was still a part of it, if only a little.
But now it’s almost an entirely different group of people. I watched as people walked in last night and realised I really only know about 10 or 15 of them. So even now I can’t farewell properly… because the church I knew has moved on… gone… left.
I guess in reality it is just the first in a string of farewells for us in the next few months. But this one is the hardest for me.
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